There was a time when people called fear “discipline,” and many of us grew up believing the two were the same thing. I know I did. Growing up in Toronto, my mother believed strictness and violence were part of raising children properly. She expected us home from school almost impossibly fast, and if we were late, you could feel the anger waiting before you even opened the door. I still remember her sitting on the couch after watching The Young and the Restless, speaking softly enough to fool us into thinking maybe she wasn’t angry. Then suddenly the extension cord would appear. Back then, many parents believed pain created respect, but what it really created in me was fear.
Fear of making mistakes. Fear of confrontation. Fear of consequences. I learned how to stay quiet, how to hide bruises beneath long sleeves, and how to survive emotionally instead of feeling safe enough to grow. The saddest part is that so many children lived this same reality and society treated it like normal parenting.
But life eventually showed me another side of discipline through my father. One day I stole money from his pocket to buy ice cream, fully expecting to be beaten when he found out. Instead, he sat me down and told me a story about lying and consequences. By the end of it, I admitted the truth not because I was terrified, but because I understood. That moment stayed with me far longer than any beating ever did. It taught me something powerful: real discipline is meant to teach, not destroy. It is supposed to guide someone forward, not make them afraid to move at all. Real discipline builds awareness, accountability, and understanding. Fear may control someone temporarily, but wisdom changes them permanently.
As I grew older, I began seeing how much of society still confuses punishment with growth. We shame people, humiliate people, lock people away, and emotionally beat people down hoping they somehow return better. But many don’t. Wounded people often become more wounded when all they are taught is pain. That is why I believe discipline should elevate people, not break them apart. Children, adults, and even we ourselves need room to make mistakes without believing we are worthless because of them. Nobody arrives in this world already knowing how to live. We are all learning through trial, error, heartbreak, and experience. Sometimes the greatest form of discipline is simply standing beside another person and saying, “Alright… let’s walk through this together.” That sentence alone can change a life far more than fear ever
could.
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